I like to think I’ve always been a confident person. But that isn’t necessarily true. To this day, I still second guess myself a lot, wondering why someone hasn’t replied to my text or email quick enough, or if I will be dressed appropriately for an event I’m attending. I question “why did that person unfollow me?” Or “why didn’t I get that job offer?” and it can really start to wear you down. The truth is, everyone has insecurities, myself included, but you simply can’t let it affect you for long enough to take you off course. The bigger picture is YOU, your goals, your relationships (with yourself and others), and essentially your happiness. Confidence and happiness go hand-in-hand in my opinion. To feel self-assured, brave and bold is one of the most rewarding emotions you can experience. Facing a big interview, meeting someone new, first dates and speeches will seem like an exciting challenge, instead of a terrifying leap. I have a few of my own tips that I try to keep in mind, and apply to my daily experiences.
1. Know your strengths. Make a list if you need to. Keep them at the top of your mind always. Are you funny? Great at math? An amazing cook? A compassionate listener? Remind yourself of these qualities that not everyone possesses, and how you are so unique in your abilities. Knowing your strong points can help you to kill an interview, master a conversation and rock a sexy LBD (If your legs are a strength! or you hips! or your booty! for example.)
2. Surround yourself with supportive people. Starting this blog was scary for me. Heck, writing this post is. But my friends, family, and significant other are supportive of me 100%, even if we don’t always see eye-to-eye on things. Your tribe, your safety-net, your protectors are the ones you need to keep closest, for times when you do fall down. They will happen. But to have someone there that encourages you to persevere, take a risk, try again… this makes all the difference. This might also mean cutting some people from your life that aren’t encouraging. They might not get it, your vision. And that’s totally okay. But if they won’t back you up 100% in all your endeavors, just as you would do for them, it’s better to part ways gracefully. Wish them the best in your mind, but keep yourself and your happiness up front. And on the flip side, make sure you keep those people that inspire you and encourage you close. I constantly check in on my role models social pages (it’s seriously amazing how many of them respond to your questions and compliments!), reach out to connections who engage my mind, and save inspirational quotes, photos and art to spark my own creativity.
3. Prioritize your health, mentally and physically. This is easier said than done. Would a glass or three of wine help to take the edge off a terrible day? Of course. But sometimes, I have to tell myself no, and keep in mind that early morning gym-session or meeting. Indulging is totally okay, and I do it often, but you need to be able to stay aware of when this is an okay fit for your schedule. Sometimes, going out with friends sounds better than writing a blog post, or creating an outline for a new pitch at work, but if you set it as a goal, you must stick to it. Knowing that you have achieved something, crossed it off of your to-do list, is so rewarding to your confidence. It sets forth the tone for another day of success and passionate, intentional actions. This is true for your diet, your relationships and your hobbies. Do they help you feel better inside? When you wake up in the morning? Take a look at things that make you feel not-so-good, and see how you can avoid those situations. Also keep in mind the things that make you feel amazing (a morning run, reading a great book, amazing brainstorming sessions with other like-minded people, cooking risotto, etc!) and make time to do those things for yourself. You skin will be glowing, your hair will be shiny, your smile will charm everyone. I promise.
4. Treat others the way you’d want to be treated. We have been taught this since we were little kids. It holds so true to my heart, to know that I can positively impact someone else by keeping in mind how I would want them to engage with me. Spending a little extra time to listen to someone’s concerns, feelings, ideas, can make such a difference in their lives, and your own. You will feel better in all of your duties, actions, chores and conversations, knowing that you are approaching them with a genuine and respectful mindset. This will all come back to you!! Not trying to sound all “woo-woo” and spiritual, but it truly does effect your success and attitude daily. Making someone else feel good, will naturally, in-turn, make you feel good. Confidence. Comes. Easily. See?
5. Take Risks. I can’t stress this enough. There is nothing more rewarding than knowing you made a leap and it paid off. I have been fortunate enough to work for some amazing companies that instill that in my daily routines. Being bold in your choices, challenging the norm, and trying something new will make you feel free as fuck. Writing some of my blog posts, posing for photos in unconventional places with people watching, all this stuff is intimidating for me! But I feel good sharing this information, my own mistakes, and I know that more people will relate than will hate. Some of the best experiences of my life have come from taking risks, and all around contributed to my confidence in decision-making and actions.
Check out Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear by Elizabeth Gilbert and The Art of Charm podcast (career, relationships, social skills) for more encouraging words and insightful information I use to grow my confidence daily. Until next time-